Mental health issues are part of life and most people will at times experience anxiety, low mood or depression. According to the Mental Health Foundation 60% of UK adults experienced anxiety that interfered with their daily lives in the past two weeks and more than 12% of children are suffering from anxiety disorders. It is therefore very likely that anxiety and other mental health issues will at some stage affect your family life.
While talking to your children about anxiety and mental health may be daunting, it can be good for the well-being of both of you. It’s a sensitive topic and most parents will find explaining their mental health issues to their children a very delicate conversation to have. You will be worried that such a conversation will make your children more anxious, worried or depressed. You may also be concerned that your parental role model to your children could be impaired. However, your children will most likely be very receptive to such a discussion.
They will have noticed your behaviours and moods and talking to them about your mental health issues or illness will make them better understand why you are angry or sad at certain times. It can also increase their empathy towards you as they can now better understand your behaviour. Such a discussion will also provide them with clarity and transparency, which can help ease unnecessary worry of the unknown.
How you talk to your children about your mental health issues will depend on their age and development stage. You should be able to have a decent discussion about this once your children are at the age when they are starting to go to school.
Teenagers have more developed abstract and conceptual thinking patterns. They will also have heard about mental health issues in school, from friends or on social media. To them you can explain your anxieties or specific mental health issue, its symptoms and how it affects your feelings and behaviours.
You can have a similar discussion with school-aged children, but you need to use more simple and concrete language to explain what your mental health issues are and how they make you feel. Use examples like describing a recent situation when you got angry, shouty, nervous or sad like you were worried about getting late to school which made you anxious and starting to shout and stress. Examples like these make them better understand your feelings and reactions.
Explain to your children that mental health issues are different from other illnesses like a cold or a broken leg that go away or heal. Let them know that anxiety is part of your personality and influence your feelings and behaviours. They can be more pronounced and in the open at certain times, but they are always there in the background. Explain to them that they are part of life for many people.
Make it clear to your children that they are not at fault or responsible for your anxiety or other mental health issues. You want them to understand that while certain stressful situations can trigger your reactions, however the ways you sometimes respond or behave are due to your mental condition and may not be warranted by the actual situation.
Assure your children that you are taking active steps to better manage and regulate your emotions. This may be your daily mindfulness meditation, eating a healthy diet, keeping physically fit or that you're seeking help from a therapist. This shows your children that you have an action plan to improve your anxiety and mental health and your behaviour towards them to make their life better too.
Let the discussion about mental health be ongoing and offer your children that they can ask you questions about it. Tell them that you will explain to them difficult situations when you feel mentally stressed and challenged.
Discussing your mental health issues with your children can make them aware that feelings of anxiety, low mood and depression are not uncommon. It is very likely that your children have experienced similar emotions. A discussion about mental health is an opportunity to make your children aware that negative emotions are part of everybody’s life and nothing to be ashamed about. In your discussion you can also describe coping mechanisms that help you better manage and regulate your mental illness like deep and controlled breathing, meditation, positive self-talk, or problem solving to set a positive example for your children.
By making your children more aware and mindful about mental health you can make them and your whole family more resilient against stressful situations and depression. They can learn mindfulness and coping mechanisms from you so that they can better manage their own negative emotions.
Keep the communication opportunities with your children open and regular. Spend quality time with your children, have regular meals as well as other family gatherings and activities to talk about mental health when the situation requires. However, don’t overload every conversation with your mental health issues. You need to work on these yourselves. The discussion about mental health should be situational to enable the whole family to better deal with them.
Discussing your mental health with your children will make them better understand why you get overly stressed, anxious and depressed in certain situations or at certain times. It will likely increase your children’s empathy towards you and create an ongoing discussion about mental health. It can also make your children more aware of their own well-being and teach them a more mindful approach to better cope with their own negative feelings. Talking about your mental health with your children can also be a great bonding opportunity to show vulnerability, empathy and kindness towards each other.
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