Name feelings, manage stress & anxiety

As parents we have to deal with lots of stress and anxiety. There many tools you can use yo better manage and cope with your parental stress. We have the ability to actively shift away from stressful situations through defining and putting our feelings into words, categories or labels. Once we can label unhelpful emotions we can put them in a box and limit their negative impact.  

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Science shows that giving a label or name to what we are feeling - a technique called affect labelling - helps distancing us from the emotion and enables us to think more rationally and balanced. Neuroscientists from Harvard University (amongst others) found that this technique actually moves activity in the brain from the amygdala (the processing centre of our emotions) to the prefrontal cortex (which is the more rational and emotion controlling part of the brain). This helps us to respond positively to stressful situations.

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Research on affect labelling, or putting feelings into words, shows that it can reduce the negative affect, particularly in high-intensity situations, by increasing activity in the right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex (RVLPFC) and decrease activity in the amygdala. Various research studies using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain scans have demonstrated that the neural patterns of affect labelling are similar to those of reappraisal.

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Affect labelling enables cognitive reappraisal: We rethink the meaning of our emotions and turn them from vague sensations into something tangible that we can understand and handle. This process engages the more rational part of our brain, which then helps to calm our emotions.

Studies have shown that affect labelling can produce immediate as well as delayed effects. We become calmer and our heart rate slows.

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Through affect labelling we can influence and change our behaviour patterns. There are several thought process going on that may help to explain why affect labelling works. The first is distraction. When we put our emotions into words and give them labels we can distance ourselves form the emotion and interfere with its negative effect. This distraction can dampen the emotional reaction to the stressful event.

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Then there is self-reflection. We need self-awareness and understanding of our emotions to be able to put them into words. Research has shown that just reflecting on our emotions even without putting them into words can already lower the emotional stress and increase rational reflection.

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Through labelling we can remove the uncertainty about vague feelings and emotions. When we have clarity about our feelings we can experience reduced anxiousness and become more rational and balanced. And finally, there can also be the calming effect of abstract thinking when we convert a direct emotion into a category and label. It makes the negative feeling more like an object at which you can look at with less emotion and more rational thinking. By putting our unhelpful emotions into words and categories we are staring to name and face the challenge.

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Use affect labelling to shift the way you think about stress by simply acknowledging it. Get into the daily habit of checking your thoughts. When stress appears pause and notice it. Label what you feel without judgement from your internal critical voice. You can also use physical touch like putting your hand on your heart or stomach to relax your body.



Putting our feelings into words can reduce the effects of our actual experience of stress and negative emotions. Reassessing negative emotions involves finding new ways of thinking about stressful situations to feel differently about them. Once we label our negative and unhelpful emotions we are likely to be less stressed by them than if we merely observe them passively.



Affect labelling builds a bridge between our emotions and our thoughts, helping them to communicate better. When we label our emotions, we not only increase our emotional awareness but also help us to regulate our emotions better.


Naming our feelings encourages self-compassion and acceptance. Instead of judging ourselves for feeling "negative" emotions like anxiety or sadness, we can accept them as parts of being human. This acceptance empowers us to reassess stressful situations and change our behaviours.

So the next time you feel overwhelmed by your parental stress, remember to pause and name your feelings.

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