The power of mindful parenting

Many parents suffer from raised stress levels and extended periods of anxiety, low mood and sometimes even depression. All these have a negative effect on parents’ mental wellbeing. While it is bad enough that you as a parent suffer from mental health issues, your family will also be affected. There is strong scientific evidence showing that parents with mental health issues are likely to pass these on to their children. You are also more likely to have problems with your partner relationship which will also have a negative effect on your children. Stressed parents create stressed families and children. Not a good outcome for all involved.
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As parents we are very concerned about the mental wellbeing of our children but can easily neglect our own mental health. However, if we don’t take care of our own wellbeing or stress, low moods and anxieties can badly affect our family life. Taking care of your own mental wellbeing is not a selfish act but necessary for a happy family life. Mindful parenting can be the key to transform your family life for the better.
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What does mindful parenting mean? Being a mindful parent means that you can better regulate and manage your emotions in particular in stressful situations. You will be a calmer and more balanced person and less likely to suffer from anxiety, low mood and depression. The positive effects of mindfulness on mental wellbeing are scientifically proven. As a mindful parent you are much less likely to get angry and shout at your children. You will act with more empathy and kindness towards your children and partner which will lead to a happier and more harmonious family life.
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So how do we become mindful parents? First you need become aware of your mental wellbeing and recognise any issues you may experience. Notice your moods, feelings and thoughts. Take out some time during the day to do just that. Stop and sit back to observe your feelings and thoughts. Don’t judge your thoughts as good or bad. Just observe them without prejudice as neutral visitors that come and go. You can do this as part of a daily meditation. You can write them down in a journal and revisit them from time to time. With awareness comes recognition and acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you should just let negative feelings and thoughts ruin your life. Acceptance means that if you have negative feelings you can now take action to deal with them in a constructive way.
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You want to make mindfulness meditation a part of your daily life. For most parents this may be either the morning before you get up or in the evening when the children are in bed. Take 10-15 minutes for your daily mindfulness meditation. There may be days and situations when you want to take more time for in-depth meditations of 30 minutes or longer. Whatever the circumstances try to establish a minimum routine of 10 minutes mindfulness meditation per day.
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Focus on the here and now. Many negative thoughts and emotions are resulting from either dwelling on what happened in the past or worrying about the future. What that does is keeping you away from being the best as parent and person in the here and now. For example, if you are at home with your family focus on your children and your partner. Make the best of the time you have with them and don’t worry about work or other issues. Equally, if you are at work don’t worry about your children or family but focus on tasks at hand. This will not always be that clear cut, but it is a good guidance on how to be fully present in the now. If you are fully present in the now you are the best parent and person you can be. Being in the now doesn’t mean to be only short-term focused on the moment. There are many things in life that require a long-term strategic outlook. However, the steps towards any long-term goals require small steps towards them in the now. It also enables you to deal in the best way with whatever happens with your children.
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Use empathy and kindness when dealing with your children and your partner. Empathy means you understand the point of view of your children. It does not mean agreement. But with being empathetic you find a much better way to communicate with your children and direct their behaviour towards what you would ultimately like. Show kindness in your actions and words. Hugs and compliments go a long way to establish a positive and loving relationship with your children and partner. Make kind gestures a daily routine.
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Be grateful about your children and your life. The daily stress and chaos sometimes make you forget about the blessing and beauty of being a parent. Take a couple of minutes a day and think about the things to be grateful about in your life. They can be big, or they can be small. Having children brings you purpose and joy that you cannot get otherwise. Reflect on the daily little joys your life brings you like a smile, a hug or a drawing from your child, a compliment from your partner or colleague. Savour the moments and be grateful for them. You can include five minutes of gratefulness into your daily mindfulness meditation.
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Get into green spaces and experience the beauty and benefits of nature. It is scientifically proven that being in nature and green spaces is good for physical and mental wellbeing. If possible, try to spend 30 minutes in nature a day. Take your shoes and socks off and walk on the grass and soil to get physically and mentally grounded. If this is difficult as a daily routine use the weekend to pursue outdoors activities with your children and family.
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Practice self-care. Take a bit time out per week for yourselves and do the things you want to do like meeting friends, reading a book, listening to the music or podcast you like. Drink more water and eat a bit more of the healthy stuff to establish a balanced diet. Move your body by going for walks, doing yoga or pilates or just a bit exercise in the gym or at home.

Use positive self-affirmations to reiterate to yourself that you are the best parent you can be and that good enough is good enough. Don’t compare yourself to other parents in particular their social media profiles. You do the best you can for your family, and they love you for it. That is good enough.
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Being a mindful parent does not only benefit your mental wellbeing but also that of your children. Like it or not, in many ways parents are the role models for their children. If your behaviour shows empathy and kindness your children are much more likely to follow your example and show empathy and kindness.
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Becoming and being a mindful parent is a process that takes time and effort. After three months of practice you should experience positive results. You should feel calmer and more balanced. You will enjoy the positive transformation of your family life. Once you start becoming a mindful parent you will never stop being one.

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