How to parent well when you're tired

When you are tired and exhausted you need to find ways to look after your children with a bit less effort and stress. Acknowledge upfront that you are tired and do not beat yourself up about it. You are doing so much for your family and children that you are allowed to be tired at times. What you want to avoid is becoming irritable and angry with your children. That leads to shouting as well as aggressive language and a family environment that is not good for your children or for yourselves. Try to be more aware of your negative moods and emotions.

Your mindset is important to keep you calm and balanced when dealing with your child. Inevitably messy and chaotic things happen around children. You don’t want to get stressed out about these and get angry at your child or at yourself. If you are tired you are much more likely to be irritable and easily thrown out of balance by these events. You can quickly get angry or upset and shout at your child starting a vicious circle of bad emotions between the both of you.

If you feel that you are losing your temper, use your breath to calm you down immediately. Stop and take at least three slow and deep in and out breaths before you react or say anything. Rhythmic, diaphragmatic breathing slows your heartbeat, lowers your blood pressure and relaxes your mind. You will feel quickly calmer and be able to react in a more balanced and measured way. Once you have calmed down, be mindful about the language and words you use when you speak to your children. Use empathy and kindness towards them so they understand that you are on their side and there to help them.

Rhythmic, diaphragmatic breathing is also at the core of mindfulness meditation. Beyond the short-term fix to calm you down quickly in stressful and overwhelming situations, adopt daily mindfulness practice of at least ten to fifteen minutes to generally relax and balance your mind. If you can, do your meditation in the morning to set you for the day. Mindfulness meditation uses controlled breathing to help you to find inner peace and better manage and regulate your emotions. It will improve your overall parenting and help you in staying calm and balanced when you are tired and exhausted.

Depending on the age of your children keep them busy and entertained with activities they can manage mainly on their own and do not require too much involvement from you. Use slightly more complex and challenging activities that require your child’s full attention. You may also think about going out and let the children play outdoors while you can relax in the fresh air on a bench. You don’t need to always deliver fireworks or closely supervise your children. Give them time to do their own things. In most cases they will be happy as long as you are close.

Although tempting, avoid putting your child in front of screens for passive entertainment. You want to keep the media exposure of your children quite limited. It is better do an activity than hanging in front of the TV. Screen time should be an exception and not the routine.

A mindful approach helps you to be a better parent when you are tired and with limited energy. Avoid getting upset and angry. Have a more hands-off approach towards your children’s playtime. You may also explain to your children that you are a bit tired today but that you will do more with them tomorrow.

‍